OF LOVE, HEARTBREAK AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN | CAP CLASSES

Hi Friends !!!

In the season of love, I just want to share some of my thoughts with you. This time on a completely different topic from my other blogs. Its the story OF LOVE, HEARTBREAK AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.

Let us start with a question for warm up.

What is Love to you?

1. Opportunity
2. Necessity
3. Happiness
4. Responsibility

What answer you choose tells you a lot about where you are and the kind of person that you are..

But, it is safe to say that everyone has a certain Imagery of what love looks like and everyone expects their version of love to be the purest. At the same time, when love in real life puts on a different mask, they often get lost and are unable to find their footing and accept it. This is the story of majority of the relationships.

But before we get into that, let’s do the basics first. Are you actually in love or have you convinced yourself that you are in love with your significant other when in reality it is all just a lie that will get dissolved with time? But between the Snapchat stories and Instagram Captions, have the unanswered text messages and hung up phone calls ever made you wonder what is wrong? 

And the answer to the question “what is love?” might take a while for me to answer. It has been written about in hundreds of books, presented and represented in hundreds of movies, theatricals and stories. But Is Love as simple as we make it out to be? Is it just limited to roses and chocolates, movie nights and vacations, long phone calls, full night messages and hanging out or is there something more to it?

What is the difference between mere physical attraction and the actual emotions you feel for another human being? In other words, is love merely infatuation to you? Ask yourself, are you able to comfortably spend three days angry with your significant other? Are you able to see them cry without having to suppress the feeling of guilt and remorse that is rising up your throat?

Do you find yourself unable to handle them at their absolute worst? Are you okay with standing by them during their ugly crying sessions, during the bad hangovers where their body refuses to stop throwing up, when they are knee deep in financial crisis, or when they emotionally and mentally exhausted?

If you are not capable of this much, chances are you are merely infatuated or the feelings you once had for your lover have evaporated with the passage of time. Harsh as this may seem, this is the truth.

At the same time, I am not asking you to be a doormat for your significant other to rub the dirt of their feet. This is where the second part of the entire affair comes into play. You may be in Love but is your significant other in love with you? As glamorous as Bollywood may make this look, one sided love affairs are very heart breaking and mentally damaging. At the end of the day, is that much pain worth it?

What are the signs that you are in the wrong relationship? 

The general thumb rule is that you must not feel any hesitation in being yourself with them. There should be space for healthy arguments and differences of opinion. If you feel like your partner is not open to communicating and does not have any value for your opinion and constantly makes you feel insecure and inadequate, then chances are that you might be in a wrong Relationship and if I may add, such relationships can be mentally unhealthy and in some cases might be labelled as emotional abuse.

Also, in a world filled with the information that the media feeds this generation, it is easier to give into peer pressure and enter into a relationship. So it is very crucial to understand whether you are in the frame of mind to be in a relationship or are you just giving into the lie that the world is feeding you?

Ask yourself some basic questions before you proceed with looking for a relationship. Do you have the mental space for another human being or are too many things already on your mind?  Do you love yourself? Will your insecurities and other unprocessed trauma affect the mental health of another human being?

Please get his idea out of your head that your so-called soul mate will come fill in the gaps that your persona holds. You are complete as you are. You are a complete human being and a beautiful one too. Also entering a relationship with the expectation that your significant other will heal all of your scars is extremely frustrating for all of the people involved in the relationship. Understand that your partner is also a human being with their own set of errors and quirks and although they can nudge and push you in the right direction, they cannot and will never be the one stop solution to all your problems.

Being in a relationship, whatever form it may be, has its own set of benefits but the most important is that you get to understand and cherish another human being.

But not all fairy tales have a “happy ending” and not everyone has a “happily ever after”. It is often the other way around. Instead of self-sabotaging yourself and your significant other, it is easier to value your own peace of mind and to let go of whatever is bothering you. Also if you feel like your mental health is being compromised and the pleasure of being in a relationship is slowly turning into the pressure to be in a relationship, it is a good choice to communicate to your partner and solve the matter as soon as possible because being in love should never seem like a chore.

Having a partner makes a lot of things easier but when the easiest things start to become hard because of them, that is the time to make a decision, either make it work or make a move. Are you losing your sense of self, or are you unable to be yourself with your partner? Are you stressed about confronting your partner? Are you spending your nights crying and feeling lonely, or has your partner convinced you to give a ‘last chance’ too many times? Are you feeling that their negativity and instability is pushing you into a void of lost inner peace that is spiraling downwards? This might be an indication that this relationship has now become emotionally abusive and that this is the exit point.

At the end of the day, if the relationship brings you genuine joy and contributes in your journey of becoming your best self and along with that it also encourages your partner to do better, then it is safe to say that the relationship is healthy.

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